The Psychological Importance of Kindness

"Three things in life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind." (Henry James)

As we all know the topic of this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week is Kindness. A topic which has special importance in human life in general and has become even more relevant in the past few months during the current COVID-19 pandemic. Being kind to others and ourselves is something we experience the need for now maybe more than usual. As written in the introduction of the Mental Health Foundation’s website: “Kindness is a cornerstone of our individual and collective mental health.” But what lies behind its importance? What can be said about kindness through the lens of psychology? 

 

What is behind the importance of kindness

Kindness has become a major topic in psychology and several types of research are focusing on its characteristics alongside associations spreading the word about its power. The current attention on the topic could be a result of several components, such as the huge number of scientific evidence of the inherent nature of kindness, the increasing influence of positive psychology and the current need for happiness and belonging. 

 

According to several studies, kindness is an innate need that evolves spontaneously during early childhood (e.g. Warneken & Tomasello, 2009). We seek kindness from others and are kind ourselves to connect with each other. When we perform a kind act or prosocial behaviour, it ignites the brain’s reward systems and enables us to feel a form of satisfaction called a “warm-glow”(Park et al. 2017), which could be one of the driving mechanisms to engage in it. Dr Hamilton, a Chemist and Psychologist wrote: “We wire our brain for more kindness."

Being kind is also embedded in our nature by enhancing the feeling of connectedness and belonging and it stimulates the release of oxytocin – not only in us but also in the recipient of the kind act – which increases the feeling of attachment, a better understanding of others’ emotions and trust. 

Kindness not only motivates us and deepens our social relationships and bonds, but it also has a positive effect on our feelings. A study by researchers at Oxford stated that participation in a 7-days kind acts challenge had a positive effect on their happiness and wellbeing (Rowland and Curry 2019). Further, there is a positive correlation between the number of kind acts performed and the increase in happiness, therefore the more engaged we are in performing them, the bigger the effect they have on our wellbeing. The study revealed that there is no difference for us between performing these acts to people who are close, to strangers, to ourselves, or even only by observing such kind acts. 

Importance of self-kindness

The quote - “Kindness begins with me.” (RAKvist) is in line with the previous findings: being kind to ourselves not only has the same importance but the same effect on our wellbeing. Studies have shown that self-kindness improve self-esteem and could also enhance the feeling of connectedness. According to a psychotherapist, Dr Cousineau, we often don’t recognize how unkind we are to ourselves - “If we would tune into our internal dialogue, most likely we wouldn’t say those same words to someone we love.” 

Being kind to ourselves is sometimes harder than being kind to others, therefore we have to focus on practising kindness towards ourselves. A way to practice that is self-compassion which incorporates three components (Neff, 2003): 

1.  self- kindness: the way of being kind and understanding toward ourselves in the same kind as we would treat someone we care about

2.  common humanity: the recognition of our own experience as part of the larger human experience, experiencing that we are not alone in this

3.    mindfulness: the acceptance of our negative experiences, emotions as they are without over-identifying with them

Practice kindness

Being kind to ourselves is an important first step that requires effort as well as being kind to others. Even though we know the positive effects, we often forget the importance of kind acts, therefore, we have to intentionally focus our attention and energy on them. However, that doesn’t mean we have to focus on it all the time. According to recent studies, just a few minutes of practising the mindfulness technique ‘Loving-Kindness Meditation’ could increase feelings of social connectedness and wellbeing.

Although, as mentioned earlier, to be able to experience the positive effects of kindness more, we should perform kindness more frequently and incorporate it into our daily life. To make it more like a habit, we could join kindness challenges and follow associations that post acts of kindness to do, like the Organised Acts of Kindness Campaign of EFPSA, Random act of Kindness or Kindness.org. These campaigns build upon the previous quote: "Kindness begins with me." by using its "pay it forward" nature. 

If we engage more in performing kind acts, we could motivate our surrounding to do so, resulting in a spread of kindness. There is some scientific evidence on how kindness could spread and affect the wellbeing of larger groups. In an experiment at a company, researchers found that the receivers of kindness experienced significantly higher happiness levels and were three times more likely to perform kind acts than the controls (Chancellor et al., 2017).

Kindness has positive effects on our happiness and wellbeing, increases our sense of belonging, spark positive feelings, and could help us combat anxiety and other mental disorders. Performing kind acts not only creates these positive effects in our life but on others as well. By its spreading “pay it forward” nature it could even have positive effects on bigger groups and has the potential to spark changes in society. “Kindness is the mark we leave on the world.” (RAKtivist)

Kata Dorottya Pál

 Master Degree in Counselling and School Psychology (Eötvös Lorand University, Hungary)                                       MtM Project Responsible

References:

Chancellor, J., Margolis, S., Jacobs Bao, K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2017). Everyday prosociality in the workplace: The reinforcing benefits of giving, getting, and glimpsing. Emotion. Advance online publication. 

Hamilton, D. R. (2010). Why kindness is good for you. London: Hay House.

Neff, K. (2003). ‘Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself’. Self and Identity                     2(2):85–101.

Park, Soyoung Q., Thorsten Kahnt, Azade Dogan, Sabrina Strang, Ernst Fehr, and Philippe N. Tobler. 2017. ‘A Neural Link                      Between Generosity and Happiness’. Nature Communications 8(1):15964.

Pogosyan, M. (2019 April 11.) ‘Why Choose Kindness’. Psychology Today. Retrieved  from:                                                                          https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-cultures/201904/why- choose-kindness

Rowland, L. (2018. February 13.) ’Kindness – society’s gold chain?’ The Psychologist. Retrieved from:                                                          https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-31/february-2018/kindness-societys-golden-chain

Rowland, Lee, and Oliver Scott Curry. 2019. ‘A Range of Kindness Activities Boost Happiness’. The  Journal of Social                              Psychology 159(3):340–43.

Rowland, M. (2020 April 29.) ‘Why Did We Pick Kindness as the Theme?’ Mental Health Foundation. Retrieved from: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week/why-kindness-theme

Warneken, F., & Tomasello, M. (2009). The roots of human altruism. British Journal of Psychology, 100(3), 455-471.